A lot has changed in the past two years. I have grown as a person in many ways that I couldn't even begin to list. Just like anybody else in this world I promised myself that 2016 would be full of adventures, memories, opportunities and just straight up amazing!
I soon realized that that was unrealistic, I had a year so great and amazing planned out that it eventually seemed to perfect. There is no such thing as something being perfect, its inhuman, unrealistic, and just insane. I mean really if everything was perfect all the time life would be so boring!
So I started thinking well what about taking this year and starting a journey of becoming physically fit, mentally stable (such as being happy and grateful of where I'm at in life right now) and trying to find out where I stand with God! I've gone astray several times, such as not praying enough, exercising regularly but not watching what I eat, being impatient with everything and so much more!
I know that it's only January but it seems like this year is already passing me by. I have really tried to stick to my guns and force myself to stay on track to accomplish my goals throughout this journey of finding myself. I have read book after book, read blog after blog, tried to gain perspective by myself, asked others about how they do it....you name it, I've probably tried it! Nothing is sticking and it just might be my lack of motivation towards something or the question of where my priorities truly stand.
Honestly...no matter how many questions we ask or how many answers we find, it will never be enough to truly be okay in life. We never know where the next disaster lies, we can't predict a curve ball being throw at us, we don't know when to expect a miracle or anything of those sorts, we just simply never know. Sometimes it's even crazy to think how life can forever change in a matter of seconds.
A person that we always thought would be there is now just gone...forever. The idea of "endless opportunities" are just now "what could of been's". The fact that things don't always go according to plan. The reality of life being a bunch of "going with the flow's". It's hard and I think that these are reasons of why and where we get lost throughout life.
" SOMEDAY IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE"
I watched a video right before writing this and it was of a couple doing a dance to the country song "Hard to Love" by Lee Brice and for some reason it got me thinking of my future husband. That one day I will meet this man that makes my whole world go round and I asked myself, today am I truly the version of myself that I want to be when I meet him? This took a toll on me because my answer was a big fat "No!".
Don't get me wrong I love the idea of finding him, falling head over heels for him and spending the rest of my life with this man but I also have so much stuff I want and need to do before that stepping stone in my life. I want to know who I am after college, to actual see how I am as a grown adult! I want to see what kind of career I make for myself and see where it takes me in this world. I want to travel to places on my own and with friends (I mean I also want to travel with him one day) but for now I want to see the world on my own terms. I want to become a better version of myself that I don't constantly doubt or tear down everyday, all day long. Importantly I want to be a women of God! I want to see what he has planned for me as a single lady. Long story short I just want to find my place in this world, as just ME!
I hope that my future husband is trying to find where he belongs as an individual and maybe one day when the timing is right we will start our own journey together!
I'll end this with a prayer for all those who are struggling to find their place in this world including myself!
Heavenly Father,
We all have our personal battles and I know you watch over each and every one of us during these trying times and I appreciate your love and support through it all. During these times I pray that we never lose faith and sight of the bigger picture you have painted for us. I pray that we all find peace in this world and truly find the meaning of life in the end! I personally struggle with keeping the faith, so I pray for strength to always put you before all and trust that your timing is better than my own.
-Forever your child!
I soon realized that that was unrealistic, I had a year so great and amazing planned out that it eventually seemed to perfect. There is no such thing as something being perfect, its inhuman, unrealistic, and just insane. I mean really if everything was perfect all the time life would be so boring!
So I started thinking well what about taking this year and starting a journey of becoming physically fit, mentally stable (such as being happy and grateful of where I'm at in life right now) and trying to find out where I stand with God! I've gone astray several times, such as not praying enough, exercising regularly but not watching what I eat, being impatient with everything and so much more!
I know that it's only January but it seems like this year is already passing me by. I have really tried to stick to my guns and force myself to stay on track to accomplish my goals throughout this journey of finding myself. I have read book after book, read blog after blog, tried to gain perspective by myself, asked others about how they do it....you name it, I've probably tried it! Nothing is sticking and it just might be my lack of motivation towards something or the question of where my priorities truly stand.
Honestly...no matter how many questions we ask or how many answers we find, it will never be enough to truly be okay in life. We never know where the next disaster lies, we can't predict a curve ball being throw at us, we don't know when to expect a miracle or anything of those sorts, we just simply never know. Sometimes it's even crazy to think how life can forever change in a matter of seconds.
A person that we always thought would be there is now just gone...forever. The idea of "endless opportunities" are just now "what could of been's". The fact that things don't always go according to plan. The reality of life being a bunch of "going with the flow's". It's hard and I think that these are reasons of why and where we get lost throughout life.
" SOMEDAY IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE"
I watched a video right before writing this and it was of a couple doing a dance to the country song "Hard to Love" by Lee Brice and for some reason it got me thinking of my future husband. That one day I will meet this man that makes my whole world go round and I asked myself, today am I truly the version of myself that I want to be when I meet him? This took a toll on me because my answer was a big fat "No!".
Don't get me wrong I love the idea of finding him, falling head over heels for him and spending the rest of my life with this man but I also have so much stuff I want and need to do before that stepping stone in my life. I want to know who I am after college, to actual see how I am as a grown adult! I want to see what kind of career I make for myself and see where it takes me in this world. I want to travel to places on my own and with friends (I mean I also want to travel with him one day) but for now I want to see the world on my own terms. I want to become a better version of myself that I don't constantly doubt or tear down everyday, all day long. Importantly I want to be a women of God! I want to see what he has planned for me as a single lady. Long story short I just want to find my place in this world, as just ME!
I hope that my future husband is trying to find where he belongs as an individual and maybe one day when the timing is right we will start our own journey together!
I'll end this with a prayer for all those who are struggling to find their place in this world including myself!
Heavenly Father,
We all have our personal battles and I know you watch over each and every one of us during these trying times and I appreciate your love and support through it all. During these times I pray that we never lose faith and sight of the bigger picture you have painted for us. I pray that we all find peace in this world and truly find the meaning of life in the end! I personally struggle with keeping the faith, so I pray for strength to always put you before all and trust that your timing is better than my own.
-Forever your child!